Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
