you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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