There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
