think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
