Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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