The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
