its not stalking. its research.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
my penis made a compromise with my morals
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
