Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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