Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize