I feel like I'm in dance class right now
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
