I'm eating all of the evidence.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
