sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
