Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Randomize