I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
