WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
