i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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