So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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