can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
