i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
