Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
