It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
