this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
