Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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