Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
