this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize