I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
