Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
