You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize