You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
