Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
