the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
