I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
