Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
