Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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