matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize