Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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