And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
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