i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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