He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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