Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
