Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
