Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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