I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
