Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize