if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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