Your tits are I can't wait for
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
