I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
