i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
3 2 1 whiskey
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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