I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize