the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
a search helicopter?!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
