so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
being pregnant is like rehab
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize