No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
