Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
