You can't motorboat a personality
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
