Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
