Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
