just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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