Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
