your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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