He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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