i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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