Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
