A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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