I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she peed on how many people?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Blood and glitter go together right?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
