i just wanna soil my oats bro
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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