bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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