I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
