hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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