it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize